Alas no one can escape the painful reality of death. Such is true yet again for me and my family. Just shy of 9 months since we lost my beloved brother, we are pained with the reality of the oncoming loss of my grandfather.

When back to back losses occur, human nature causes you (or maybe just me?) to look inwards. What have I done to deserve a second loss? Myself, I am far from perfect. I use profanity far too casually, I often enjoy one too many alcoholic beverages on the weekends, and my humour is as filthy as the toilet. To be quite frank, that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Then I think about my mother. What has she done to deserve such major losses of her son and father in such a short period of time. This is a woman who is so pure and close to perfect as humanly possible; beautiful inside and out. Attends church every weekend, refuses to take a side without considering the other, who raised 4 kids while educating thousands of others… Why should she be caused so much pain?

I am not sure I will ever understand the unfortunate timing of death. However this much I am certain of – At birth you are given this beautiful gift of life, but it doesn’t come with the warning it ought to. You may be given 30 years you may be give 85, but at some point that gift expires. There is a huge difference between being alive, and living. I wish nothing but the latter for everyone.

On Sunday I made the decision to take the trip to Belleville with my mom and visit my grandfather one last time. I was scared, more like terrified. Not of what I would see, but of seeing who I was about to lose. A grandfather who engulfed me with the best bear hugs as a child, a father who raised 6 beautiful and strong daughters, and a husband who’s marriage with my nana could inspire the biggest cynic to believe in one true love. As hard and emotional as the day was, I am so grateful to have one last chance to touch his hand and tell him I love him. An opportunity I never received with the passing of Thomas.

So to my handsome grandfather, who lived such a full life and touched so many hearts along the way. I am so proud and honoured to be your granddaughter. This is not a goodbye, this is a see you on the other side. I love you more than words could ever describe. Please pass the same message on to Thomas.

And to my beautiful Nana, and wonderful mother and aunts you are always in my thoughts and heart. Love you forever.