For the Deeth family, Christmas has always been about tradition. A neighbourhood party the Sunday before. The Malcangi’s for dinner Christmas Eve. Cookies and card games with Grammie Christmas morning, waiting for mom and dad to wake up. And of course, Thomas’ last-minute shopping and every moment in between. So one could imagine my surprise when one Christmas, a present addressed for me from Thomas appeared under the tree weeks before the rest of Santa’s haul.

An odd shape of an object, the size of a palm, tightly wrapped nestled under the tree. Nearly invisible to anyone not see, but as clear as day for a sneaky ten-year-old eagerly awaiting Christmas morning. Each morning in December, I would sit in front of the gift, shake it, lift it, listen to it, smell it, anything for a clue as to what was wrapped underneath.

It’s been 20 years at least and I still remember that Christmas morning like it was yesterday. You see, the run for the stockings was perfected over the years in the weeks leading up to the big day. Stairs descended two at a time, grippy socks to avoid a slip and a quick dive onto the family room couch as we all lunged for the stockings.

That Christmas in particular, the stockings meant very little. There was one gift I had my eye on and I couldn’t wait to find out what had been sitting waiting for me under the tree all month long. I got to unwrap the first present that year. Any package of my choosing and I knew just the one. That oddly shaped present from Thomas. Everyone was intrigued. What thoughtful gift had Thomas found so far in advance to his usual last-minute scramble.

I opened that parcel in 2 seconds flat, and low and behold, to everyone’s surprise and Thomas’ delight, a lump of coal fell into my lap.

As you can imagine, everyone erupted immediately in laughter and Thomas sat there, crossed legged no doubt, with the biggest smile I had ever seen. He eventually brought down my real present, a gift I can’t even remember, and that lump of coal went down as one of my favourite Thomas pranks ever.

Tomorrow marks three Christmas’ without Thomas. His stocking won’t hang full of presents on Christmas morning and no gifts will be poorly wrapped, labelled from him. But his lack of presence, not presents will be felt. It’s hard not to get wrapped up in gifts and food and overindulgence of every kind. But try not to forget, its’ your presence that’s the real present this time of the year. I would give every gift, every cookie, every delicious meal, and every other tradition to have my brother back for one more Christmas. To tell him I love him, miss him and think of him every day. To wish him a Merry Christmas in person and feel his arms tighten around me. After all, that’s what Christmas is all about.

So until we celebrate again together one day,

Merry Christmas Thomas, and Happy Birthday Grandpa we love and miss you both.