A year ago today, my world shattered, and heart broke. Very suddenly, my dearest brother Thomas slipped away.

It is hard to believe a full year has passed, that life could and did carry on. But alas, here we are. One year later, tears in our eyes, pain in our hearts, remembering a man so impossible to forget.

I remember the last night we spent together, just a day before you disappeared. We had all gathered back at the parents’ house for post Beerfest festivities. You undoubtedly broke Nicole’s rib (a parting gift perhaps?) and we spent hours goofing with snap chat, talking about the future and planning our next “Girls Night”.

The end of that night found you, Nick and I alone in the kitchen. You gave us that sly side smile and demanded a “selfie with Nick”. Snuggled together in that king sized bed we took our last photo together, the print to be burned in my memory forever.

Leaving the room you muttered an inappropriate comment about leaving an open tampon box in front of my boyfriend, a comment only you could make and get away with. I smiled, and told you I loved you. I had never meant it more. Knowing I was able to tell you that just one last time has brought me great comfort this past year.

I was reminded by a colleague that the first’s are always the hardest when dealing with the loss of a loved one; first Christmas, first New Years, first birthday. Well I suppose today marks the last first. The First Anniversary of your passing. Yet here I am feeling trapped at a crossroad. Wanting so much to be released of the pain of your passing, but unwilling to accept a “second” anything without you.

Thomas, please know:

Every day that passes I am so thankful I had you so closely in my life for 28 years. You were a gifted athlete, a great comic, a beautiful soul, with just the worst dance moves! But most of all you were the greatest brother, and bestest friend.

I hope you always understood how much love and respect I held for you.

Save me space up There big brother, but until then please visit.

“Softly in the morning, you heard a gentle call; you took the hand God offered you and quietly left us all”

Love always,

Xoxo

Household